Like
leaven that leavens the whole loaf, the camel controversy continues to ferment
the conversation around coffee tables at the khan on 61, Chamoun's
Rest Haven Restaurant. As surmised in the previous Online Register report,
all-round civic counselor Jimmy Walker took up the baton in
the debate over which is faster, a horse or a camel?
Now Walker's mind is slightly akin to that famous representative of
the South, Brer Rabbit, and once a conniving thought finds entrance, it will not
rest until it devices a scheme advantageous to his own welfare. So throughout
the weekend his thoughts canvassed the panorama of how this camel thing could
work in Clarksdale. First was the idea of how he could put camel stalls in the
first floor of the newly remodeled City Hall building. Then again, the new
County Jail building sat perfectly on the Sunflower river, great for pasturing,
and with a new cyclone fence. "Those camels could never climb over those
coils of razor wire." Thus his imagination ran on next to the Courthouse,
then to the Library, then to the RR Depot, picturing camel rides, camel
T-shirts, camel burgers, and oh yes! perhaps a live appearance of Joe himself.
Nor did others idle their time over the pleasant autumn weekend. While
normal people were out trimming hedges, raking leaves, and closing up swimming
pools, Jerry Salley
(whom everybody recognizes as slightly imbalanced; thinks he's Mark Twain) tied
up four phone lines and burned out two modems cybersearching the Net for 36
hours trying to find an answer. He found that quarter horses can go 47.5 mph,
but only for a quarter mile (duh?); domestic house cats, 30 mph; and squirrels
only 12 mph; nothing on camels.
About the most useful information Salley found was some scientific
data suggesting the "speed of an animal can be judged by observing its leg
bone structure. Short and/or thick bones as in the elephant or pig usually mean
an animal is slow, while long slender leg bones, as in the horse, usually mean
an animal is fast." (University professors are granted large sums of money
to provide us with such insight.) Mr. Red Bradham will
probably exhult at this support for his hypothesis, though it has yet to be
determined which legs are longer and slenderer, the camel's or the horse's.
In an effort to gather an unbiased view, and to help alleviate the
boredom of other ongoing pollings in the USA, the Online Register has opened an
opinion poll on which is faster: a camel or a horse. Votes are rolling in, and
at present the tally stands: HORSE 53%; CAMEL 46% (Online Register claims a
+/-50% error in all its polls. Also, there is no reflection on whether the
critters are Republican, or Democrat.) If you have not cast your vote,
please do so now.
The dromedary debate has suddenly superseded the bounds of the khan
and the cotton community. The Register has just been contacted by a northern
newspaper, the Cuba Patriotin Cuba, NY, which picked up this
story. Several horse racing stables and trainers in the area are affronted at
the audacious claim by camel sympathizers. One trainer, Carol Kozlowsky,
former Olympic rider and NY/New England leading rider, 1995 &1996, has
announced her willingness to meet the camel challenge. Rumors have spread that
bookies at the Saratoga race track have already placed odds. The Register will
do its best to follow up on these developments.
Meanwhile, traffic has increased at the khan on 61. Early Monday
morning, other local residents felt the need to weigh the issue. Former New
England lobster man George Walker, now successful Delta
industrialist (but who still hasn't developed a southern accent) asked probing
questions about the economic impact of bringing camels to the Delta. His main
concern seemed to be the lack of trained camel jockeys and what provisions would
be made for such training.
At the mention of "economic impact" the ears of Bo
Von Kanel perked up. "What's this about a race?" he queried.
The Preacher interceded to relate to Bo last week's
conversations, and that the Lebanese innkeeper had boasted of the speed of a
favorite camel. "I've challenged Chafik to a race, but he
won't come up with a camel!" the Preacher announced. "Chafik claims
that in a long distance race the camel will beat the horse. So
let's have a race from the parking lot of the Rest Haven in Clarksdale to the
lobby of the Peabody Hotel in Memphis."
Bo's eyes looked up toward the ceiling as he searched
his vivid memory for past encounters with camels around the Delta. As if a light
bulb came on, he burst out, "I think I know of a camel in Quitman County!
B'golly, we might have a race!" Chafik bowed his head. "I dunn
know...," he grumbled.
"What about an ostrich?" Bo hollered. "I think I can
get an ostrich!" To which the Preacher replied, "Well you gotta find
someone that can ride it too, ya know. I don't know of any ostrich jockeys here
in the south." And with that he made his usual exit to the mission field
outside. (The one inside the khan has been very fruitless despite years of
dedicated ministry.)
To be continued...
