Contention continues in the early morning hours of our fair city in
the little cafe on Highway 61, the Rest Haven. Last
week an argument erupted over the question whether a camel is faster than a
horse (see previous story). Cafe owner, Chafik
"Akabah" Chamoun boasted of the superiority of his homeland's
traditional transportation, the dromedary. Several local regulars of the
restaurant, frequently referred to as "rednecks," protested
boisterously to the Lebanese challenge that a camel is faster than a horse.
Friday morning the argument was sustained across tables strewn with half eaten
biscuits, bacon, eggs and grits.
Paul Jose, a professional pony express courier, took
up the debate boasting of his years of unblemished service, "through rain,
through sleet, through snow, through scorching deserts, blah, blah, blah...."
and of his faithful steed, Boogabottom, which long ago was retired for
a Ford pickup with two steering wheels- but nonetheless....
Wealthy plowshare magnet Bill Gates piped up on the
advantages of track-driven tractors over four-wheel tractors as if it had
something to do with the four legs of a horse. Akabah yelled back that camels
had four legs too, and bigger feet to boot! Jeers from around the room were
hurled at Gates, charging that he was disqualified from the discussion because
he got all his money through software. Bill protested, "I never knew the
guy!" but by this time the attention shifted to another prosperous Delta
entrepreneur, Doyle Varner.
Varner quickly aligned himself with his gambling buddy Akabah. "Chafik,
I believe I know where we can get a camel!" It happens Varner had some
recent cotton gin equipment dealings with some Iranian cotton farmers. The
Lebanese interrupted him reminding him that he still owed the Iranians money and
rumors were out that the same men looking for Salmon Rushdie were now looking
for Varner. "On second thought, we might have to wait on this...." he
stuttered, looking over his shoulder for any strangers visiting the khanCamel that
might be wearing headdresses.
Sensing this argument was going nowhere but in circles, and being one
of those rare pulpiteers that like to draw things to a conclusion, the Preacher
butted in again: "OK, Chafik! You find yourself a camel and I will get a
horse and we will settle this issue once for all!"
Akabah (Chafik) wagged his head in hesitation. "I dunno...,"
he grumbled, then broke out in laughter, "I already gott Camel,"
pointing to the stuffed animal proudly perched atop the glass display of coconut
and chocolate cream pies.
"C'mon, get serious," retorted the Preacher. "I can get
a horse. You get a camel, and we'll have a race." He was prevented of
finishing his persuasion however, as once again the distant bells tolled
announcing his departure.
As he passed out the door he was met by self-appointed, but never
elected, mayor of Clarksdale, Jimmy Walker (who, by the way
bought and gave Chafik the stuffed camel above the pies), who was promptly
admonished to help the Lebanese find a camel with real flesh and blood.
"Republican, or Democrat?" quipped Walker. "I was told
Republicans don't have blood," replied the Preacher as he walked to his
car.
Now Mr. Walker is not known for leaving matters (whether his, or
another's) alone. It quite obvious that the camel/horse question will continue
and the Online Register will continue to follow it.
Meanwhile, cast your vote below!
To be continued...
